letters in the void

Hello Nanay at Tatay, Gusto ko lang po maging honest sa inyo tungkol sa nararamdaman ko nitong mga nakaraang araw. Medyo nahihirapan po talaga ako ngayon emotionally. Akala ko kaya ko mag-isa at magiging okay ako, pero narealize ko po na iba pala yung may sariling space sa talagang mag-isa—at mas nahirapan po ako kaysa sa inaasahan ko. Sa totoo lang, minsan pakiramdam ko po parang pabigat ako, lalo na kapag iniisip ko yung gastos sa health ko tulad ng scoliosis at dental. Alam ko pong nagtatrabaho kayo para gumaan ang buhay natin, kaya naiisip ko na parang nadadagdagan ko lang yung iniintindi ninyo. Nahihiya po akong maramdaman yun, pero gusto ko pong maging honest. To be honest, hindi po ako confident sa results ng entrance exams ko, at nadadagdag din po yun sa iniisip ko. Hindi rin po naging maayos yung mental health ko lately. Noong una akala ko okay lang ako, pero busy lang pala ako kaya hindi ko napapansin yung nararamdaman ko. Ngayon po medyo sabay-sabay na sila. Pasensya na po sa lahat inconvenience na naidudulot ko ngayon. Mahal ko po kayo. Maraming salamat po sa lahat.

hi darling, it’s been a while. I’m sorry for not trying as hard like I promised. I was lying to you and myself when I said I was no longer interested in dating, I couldn’t have been further from the truth. I never stopped loving you but I think maybe you did. I know you had your fair share of reasons but when you said you ‘weren’t gonna date but we could try in the future,’ I lost all hope. For a while I had been observing you and to me, you seemed interested in seeing other people. Yet you still kept saying maybe we could try again in the future. I felt like an option, unworthy like I wasn’t worth loving and it broke me to feel that way. Ever since you said you were confused about how you felt, I’d decided to keep trying, that maybe I could convince you we were great together. Love shouldn’t have to be like that though. I decided that if you were sincere in rebuilding what we had and made an effort to get to know me, then I’d continue to try and be there for you as well. But if you made no effort to try then I’d let go. Time and time again I repeated to myself that you cared, that you were trying and suddenly it was November. Things weren’t getting any better and you seemed like you’d moved on so I told myself it was time to let go and start a new beginning. Time for me to learn to love myself and reflect. I’ve spent all this time wondering if I ever meant anything to you. Was I entertainment? Someone to keep you from feeling alone? Did you ever even love me? Was I anything to you? Anyone? I don’t know anymore, it hurts so much. I’ve pondered desperately it’s been eating at me and I’ve wanted so desperately to ask you what I meant to you but you doubted me till the very end. I trusted your words and believed in them but that final moment of doubt has filled me with doubts. Maybe we were never anything in the first place. Whatever the case I hope you’re well. Take care of yourself, I wish you the best till the end. With love, 🥭

my eternal star, i saw you today, after four months of knowing you as a blurry figure in my memory. i talked to you today. our fingers brushed today. strange how fate can be so cruel and ordinary — to tie us in the same orbit, under the same sky, and among the same constellation of friends. our friends didn't tell me you'd be there, but maybe that's pity. maybe they knew i wouldn't have come had they did. my heart felt like it was simultaneously burning quietly and thrashing violently the entire time i was within close proximity of you. how do you wear normalcy so effortlessly? how do you speak to me as though we did not fall apart nearly seven fortnights ago? i envy your composure. you looked so whole, so carefully put together, even daring to reach for interactions like nothing delicate ever existed between us. i wish i posessed even half of your strength. frankly, i was only one careless moment away from asking if we could try again. i missed you. perhaps more than i should have. be well. as ever, yours, audrey

my eternal star, my mind is a constant battlefield. am i grieving your absence or the past i know we may never return to? i hope my heart learns peace soon. our memories gnaw at the edge of my reason; each passing day without a sound from you slowly unravels the threads of my sanity. i like to think you're doing okay. yours ever, audrey

my eternal star, how are you? i'm supposed to be studying for my finals right now, yet my thoughts are defenseless against drifting away to yearn for your presence once more. the foolish part of my heart mourns what i chose to end, even when my mind knows it was merely mercy for us both. i found out something about you that made me feel conflicted today. since when did you turn to drinking? :( i can't help but think that i have contributed to the reason why. i have started testing my luck with slow poison ever since we drifted apart, too. it helps sometimes; it drowns out the constant buzzing in the back of my mind and makes everything feel fuzzy. most of the time, it only helps me realize that i long for you more when i'm sober. i only managed to erase traces of you one midnight, sleepy and dazed. no decision has ever weighed heavier in my heart, as i remain a willing prisoner to my thoughts of you. i'm sorry. i miss you. bound to you forever, audrey

jan, i miss you, my eternal star. i miss you more than anything. every time i close my eyes, i can't help but think of you. i want to try again but i'm afraid we'll only allow ourselves to succumb in a pathetic loop of trying and giving up again. maybe you will reach out someday. maybe history will repeat. maybe, from now on, you will simply be a part of my past that will never not haunt me. however, one thing is certain: i will continue to clandestinely be your humble servant, as i am, and will always be, bound to you. yours forever, audrey

This letter is supposed to be sent to this boy I met during April. We were together for 3 days because of a convention. I didnt really expected that he will turn out to be handsome which is why I was amazed when I saw him at first, he was really handsome with this clean look and a kind smile and aura. It caught me off-guard that my first impression of him is kind, responsible, and down to earth, as my usual impression towards boys are either arrogant or narcissistic. We did have few interactions since he is our supervisor, there were even times where he taps my shoulder, and our knees touch. After the convention, I added him in one of my socials, this is the first time that I did that because I usually just stalk my crush' socials and just admire them. But, this time I took the courage to do that and he accepted me and even reacted heart to my story. I really felt happy but I know he just reacted to it because he was in that story haha. I was giddy the entire convention and even the day after it but today I feel a different feeling. A feeling of sadness and insecurity because I know I dont have any chance for someone like him. He is handsome, active in terms of leadership, and active physically-he runs and do mountain climbing, he also knows how to play guitar and a graphic designer. I know I can easily do all of that to fit in to his world however I also feel like we are really in tow different world that he probably won't remember me after a few more day, or even now already. He also kind off capable in life compared to me and he also have a very closed relationship with his family which I dont have. I dont actually know why I am feeling this way, maybe this is not about him but me, me who is very insecure and looks down on myself because if he is really kind, he would accept me right? So maybe before thinking about me having a chance in him, I should prioritize accepting myself first, because if were meant to be, we will meet again, somewhere,sometime,someday.

Im missing and loving you extra hard today and I wish I could tell you that

Dear Zach I hope you know I knew the whole times about her . I hope on your wedding day you feel the same way you did when you dated me and call up Tay and leave your wife for her. You treated me like a place holder when all I wanted to do was fall in love. Fuck you and fuck her too.

Dear Kane Hey I hope you’re doing well you’re instagram been popping up in my people you may know feed…..Just checking in on you since it sounded like you were going through something . Idk if you still want to be friends or something and I do wish you the best of luck and love with your life and whatever you do.

dearest S., where do I even begin? today is day 7 of no contact, but it feels like day 25263980 and as if it'll be like this forever. do I blame you? no, I blame myself. for all the things i did and didn't do; for all the things i want to tell you so desperately in the present moment but never had the guts to bring up when i had the chance. and now it's too late. now, you've met someone else, someone new. someone who will never really know you like i do, like i did. and someone who will never miss you like i always will. they say it's best to let go, but for some reason that seems impossible. you moved on and you had every right to. i hope you're happy, but forgive me for despising your new relationship. i pray that our paths will still somehow cross again and that you'll unexpectedly text me. you already know that i'm here and i'll never leave. it was a pleasure to have been yours and to have called you mine. maybe in a different life or multiverse we'll get to redo it. just know that i volunteer in case there's a second opportunity in this lifetime. :) this isn't a final goodbye, but a see you soon. keep floating fishay, i hope you're entering calmer waters and that life is good to you. i hope one day you'll make your way back to me. and in the meantime, i'll be here, floating between our memories and our whatsapp chat. i love you <3

Dear Ben, well this is a weird letter that i dont ever want to send, nor let you read. You my be asking why, well truth be told i have put you through enough, and i struggle to even try and communicate with you. So i figured this is the best way to do this. I can't look at my husband without thinking of you, it hurts, a lot. Me and you have a tough history, it actually made dating him hard. He is the reason i had to move past and accept what happened. if i didn't i couldn't truly move on with him. His smile, the eyes, the way he talks, its hard. because its you, its impossibly you. the way he grew up. the hobbies. his demenor. it pisses me off how much hes like you. i'm mad at you too, i don't knoe why, maybe i wanted you to fight harder, try harder. i don't know, i'm just angry. and i'm mad at you but at the same time i miss you. fuck, i feel dumb even writing to you, but i dont know what else to do, maybe i'm not over what happened, but i do know i miss you. as a friend, i miss having you around, i miss hanging out. i dont know, i just dont know. i hate you cant tell me, but i can't ask. just... fuck... bye

Dear my friend group I love you guys deeply, whole heartedly. You all have become my family And it's not your fault but I feel like Ive become your duff... Designated ugly fat friend... I know it's not your fault I just wish you guys weren't so pretty so I could feel pretty... I hate that I feel this way... I'm sorry

we broke up in may, since then i've been a wreck. I've lost myself in ways i can't even comprehend, i said to myself i'll become the better version of myself without you. But the opposite has happened, i don't think i'll ever forget about you but i'll move on. I miss you but i won't go back, i long for you but i won't act upon it. I'm grateful for our memories, the lessons i've learnt from you. But i think it's about time i let go of your memory. I love you Princess Andreana S. Del Rosario, I'll always will. Ciao Ma Moitie.

Dear 𝓝𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷 ♡ I really really really really like you. You're kind, you're funny and you're just the right amount of weird. And you're really cute too so that's a super bonus. I wish on angel numbers all the time about Ya and I really appreciate how much you make me smile 𝓧♡𝓧♡ 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓯𝓾𝓽𝓾𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓯𝓮, 𝓛𝓲𝓪𝓴𝓸 𝓒𝓱𝓵𝓸𝓮💌

To tshepang tladi. I loved you, so dearly. I hate that you never loved me too but I know it's not your fault, you didn't even know... I finally let you go now so bye I wish you well

dear s, i know you don’t “like me like that” but when i really think about it, i feel like that’s the way you feel because you know how teenage boys think and you respect me too much to think of me that way. or i’m just not pretty enough for you, honestly i’m not too sure. i love the way your smile scrunches up right by the corners of your mouth when you smile. i love the way your eyes sparkle under any lighting wether it be, the sunlight, moonlight or the florescent lights at school. the curls in your hair remind me of rags of sunshine in a deep dark pine forest. i love that you have adapted your texting style to the same way that i text. i love that you pretend you don’t care about things like planes, or school, or video games or lego. i love how if i bring up planes you could talk about them hours on end. i love how sarcasm is your love language. i love how you and me have slowly began merging our vocabulary’s. i love how you smile whenever someone says we would be cute together, and you pretend you don’t picture it too. i love how freckles emerge more in the sunlight than ever. i love how when i’m alone at my locker you always make time to come hang out with me. i love when you take stupid pictures of me, and threaten to send them to other people but never do. i love how much you care about my opinion. i love it when you smile because it is like nobody else’s. i love it when you reference our inside jokes and nobody laughs but you and me are sitting in the corner laughing. i love how you make fun of me in a way that makes sure it won’t hurt my feelings but is still funny. i love how during class you will take time out of your own day to come sit near me so we can talk. i love when we play roblox or gta 5 together. i love how you remember every detail i tell you, wether it’s about what i did on the weekend, a random thing about my childhood, or me just stupidly ranting about something that doesn’t matter. even though sometimes you’re with a and i just don’t know.

Dear A, I wish I could tell you how I feel. If only it wouldn’t ruin our friendship. Every time I see you my heart goes faster. And when we’re sitting at the piano together I want to have a Disney scene where I tell you I like you and you say it back. Right now I’d take writing a song together. I have enough about you that I wrote. I think it would help if we wrote a love duet together. It might fix my feelings. Or it might make the crush deeper but I’m willing to take that chance. You’re cute, sweet, protective, talented, thoughtful, funny, kind, loyal, loving. You’re just like me. And that’s not even close to everything I could say about you. I wish it was the right time. There are so many complications that I don’t know if we could get past but I really would love to try. I care about you too much to be silent forever. But a few years isn’t forever. I can Wait For It. I can play the long game. Until we Rewrite the Stars. Eventually I’ll tell you how I feel and we’ll see how it goes. I don’t say this lightly but….. I love you. And if platonic love is all I’ll get for right now that’s ok. I’ll wait for the romantic love to hit you like a bus like it hit me. So… I love you. Yeah. One day You’ll Be Mine. 💖🌙🌟

Dear B, Are you kidding me? You little piece of sh!t. You can be as pissed with me as you want. Your mom can be as pissed with me as she wants. But you do not get to bring my mom into this. You attacked her on a personal level. And me with her. You targeted us. There was no reason for you to do what you did. I didn’t want to believe it was you but now I realize that you don’t care about our history at all. I’ve been trying to coexist with you but I can’t do that anymore. You can kiss my @$$. Clearly you don’t want to coexist or fix our relationship anymore. Not that I even wanted to fix our relationship. Not anymore. It’s over. We’re done. Don’t ever talk to me again. Stay out of our business. From now on I don’t exist to you and you don’t exist to me. I would say have a good life but I don’t even hope that for you

Dear M, You make me madder than any other human being. You are unrealistically mean to everyone but you love to pick on me. You feign innocence whenever you get called out and there’s almost no way to solve conflict with you. If I wasn’t in the same theater as you I would never talk to you again. Everyone is scared of you. I’m not scared but you are intimidating. If only you would take yourself and your evil daughter (and leave your nice daughter here with me) and move to a different country. Even a different state would suffice. You’re a horrible person and there’s nothing else to say. Other than I loath you with my entire being. At least you can’t enter my house unless you’re invited in lol

i miss you. i hope we cross paths in 10 years when we’re both old enough to realize what we wanna do in the future. i know you possibly hate me or just won’t look me in the face, but i miss you & texting you. i hate that you like guys & prefer messing around with girls. but most importantly i feel like we just a weekend scenario. & that hurts so much knowing all the love i have for you. i miss you

“Honestly this is all my fault, idk why I thought you could change, i constantly defended you and came back every time. How could u be scared of loosing me when all I’ve ever done is show you that I would stay. I put my own beliefs and expectations aside, I never wanted a bf because I was always scared of getting hurt, and no matter how hard you tried and cared for me, you still couldn’t change, and I did get hurt every time. I thought you liked me and it would be different, but maybe you aren’t made for a relationship, and I can’t be in one built on lies any longer, it hurts too much. We are constantly in a cycle of dealing with issues like this and it’s not fair to either of us to have to deal with it. The first two girls I could put aside, and I gave you the benefit of the doubt, but a third is just too much for me to handle. Three is not a coincidence and things wouldn’t be said if there wasn’t a bit of truth to it. I’m sorry to end things abruptly and in this way but I don’t think we can do this much longer. I can’t personally take any more accusations, and im aware it’s not easy for you to be deemed as guilty. I still care for you and will always have feelings for you, but I just can’t see this working out any longer if things like this keep happening. The reason I broke up with you was never to hurt you but to prevent this from happening again and again. You were seriously such a great first boyfriend, and I’m so grateful I got to experience so many of my “firsts”, and I’m so glad it was with you. I know it’s horrible to have to end things in this way, this was never my intentions. I love you and that’s why I have to let you go, to stop us from hurting each other any longer.. loving someone is never a waste, so I hope that despite all of this I hope we can still at least be friends and keep in touch because you truly mean a lot to me, and you are very special to me. I am sorry that things like this had to lead to our break up but I’m forever thankful my bf

I miss you so so much. I wish we could’ve work out and I love you so so much and I can’t let you go. I wish we could be together and I wish we didn’t have to be friends. I hope one day I wish I can be with you again instead of looking for you in everyone that I meet. It’s hard pretending I don’t care and pretending that I don’t want to call you mine. That’s what sucks the most.

I love you. more than you'll ever know. because you're weird, and you're serious. because you know me, and you're like me. because we can judge together but then be empathetic the next second. because I never had someone who's so like me. I love my dear best friend. thank you for listening to me rant about my current hyperfixation even though you dont want to hear it. thank you for not zoning out when I talk to you about it. thank you for telling me you care about it. I hope you know how much you mean to me. I hope you know how much our calls mean to me. I have faith in us. I did not have it with others. I have faith we will be the best of friends until the end of our time.

hey, I miss you. a lot tbh. but I knew we weren't going to be best friends forever. so I guess I expected it. just not this soon. I miss our calls, I miss our hang outs, I miss our laughs. I hate how its awkward now when we hang out (which isn't as often as i'd like tbh). has it always been this way? I feel like not. either way, I miss us. and its nice to see you with others, but I get reminded that we dont have that anymore and it makes me sad. not jealous, but sad. I wish you would text me more often, but I feel like trying to fix this distance is useless because it will just show up again. we've done this multiple times. tried to fix it only for it to be temporary. is that a sign we are not meant to be? maybe. anyway, I sitll love you lots, my ex best friend. I hope we hang out soon. <3

dear Kamiah, I know for a fact you will never read this so that's why I am writing it. what I also know is that you don't feel the same and probably never will so that's also why I will also never confess. So basically, I like you I really like you and ever since the party I have and for some reason I can't get over it, and the weird thing is I barely know you. we barley talk but for so reason that makes it easier to accept that you'll never feel the same. I hope one day I will be able to tell you but that's a long LONG away.

dear m, you are so weird and fake dawg. I should've gotten rid of your punk ass way before it even got to this point but I had to go and be kind so whatever. You are the first one to act weird in front of a nigga dawg, a NIGGA. Weird af. You are so very anti-black and try to defend it. You only embrace your black side when you wanna say nigga I don't wanna hear it. "I no black papi i'm Puerto Rican" MAAAAAN SHUT UP if slavery were to come back you'd be treated like a nigga shut up, . When YOU are in a bad mood EVERYONE has to feel it and you wonder why your momma jumped on you like hello? Its really a mystery how you haven't gotten your ass beat yet. Your writing sucks ass. Boring ass rp I could've talked to a wall and had more fun than your boring ass replies. Then you go on to wonder why I wouldn't respond, YOU ARE BORING. "Oh I can't write fight scenes" Learn. You are constantly talking about yourself and only yourself, everything is "me me me" and "I I I" like dawg after awhile shit gets old. You gaslight people sm and you word it in a way that if someone calls you out on your bullshit you just tell them its wrong. Lock tf in hello? It's honestly more crazy you truly thought nobody would notice. YOU AREN'T THAT INTERESTING, nobody is. I won't ever forget when you wanted to call me stupid because I wanted to play deadrails, nigga JUST GET OFF THE GAME but noooo you wanna sit in the call and make sure everyone knows that you're angry. Man nobody gives a fuck get over yourself. You wonder why you lose friend after friend and don't care enough to see when you are wrong. Fuck off. You are always so negative like shut up fr that be draining a person, and you wonder why I never wanted to TALK to you. If you're so gifted and talented that you have to one up yourself compared to Bo why couldn't you figure that out? Last thing, I find it CRAZY you go and call my friend's oc ugly when all you like is white men. Their drawings are way better and have always been better. Try

I'm not who you think i'm. I dont feel any empathy towards you or anyone else at that matter.

your hair is so pretty and so is your face. your body is beautiful and so is your talent. when we touch i just freeze and all i can do is stare at you and smile like a dork. i wish we touched more. i want to run my hands through your hair and i want your comfort, your arms around me. i want to see all of you and i want you to like me. i want it to be just us in the world and i wish we were closer, so we could talk about this, us. but we dont have anymore time. ill miss you and i love u my dino

i dont know how well end up in the future but i never believed it when you said we were best friends. I'd always known i was going to be replaced but it still hurts. i wanted you to myself and i know that's selfish, but i really thought we had each other. turns out I'm a dependent loser who can never move on. i hope she treats you the way i never could. words can't describe the betrayal i feel and how unsurprised i am at the same time. idk i just hate having to share you with her. we were so close yet so far away, i wish it was me and you against the world i just want someone for myself where we have each other. ive never been able to have what i wanted.

адУЕ

To future me, Don't worry, I trust you and I love you, I'll make you super proud. I will never leave you because after all, I am you, you are me, we together, in this world and the next, for all the blessings and trying moments. Just incase you forget, you are strong, kind ,smart, capable, resilient and enough no matter what. May Allah bless with with you could even fathom happening. I wish happiness and all dreams coming true, especially the ones you cant fathom happening and are too afraid to ask for. Don't ruminate on the past, you are where you are meant to be and I'm so proud of you, my heart so full and my eyes glazed with the happiest of tears. This isn't farewell because ill be with you anyway, x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0 yyr.

it’s been over a year and i still care about you, i wish we could be on good terms

i really want to catch up. but even with you being back for break, i’m not sure you’d want the same

i wanted to find a letter about me, just like how i write about you. -ally/allyocious

Dear Jacob C, hey, its Ally B. im writing this in hopes that maybe one day you'll see it, even though i know you probably wont. i hope you do, though. i still look back at your note on the Unsent Project whenever things get rough, it makes me smile. things have been bumpy lately, i know. sometimes i wonder if you even like me that way anymore, i dont feel like im enough. i just wish you were here, i wish you could hold me, wipe the tears of my face. but that would be selfish so i wont ask. maybe things would be better if you had never met me every time i write about you my heart aches, like im staring at something that needs to be fixed, yet its untouchable. i keep imagining you, wherever you are. in the places i thought i would get to know in the places i know that i wont i think about you at home i think about you laughing, about you crying i think about you when you're alone, i wonder if you're okay. i wonder if you're getting the care you deserve if they're listening to you if they're hearing the side of you only i heard. its not fair. sometimes when im alone, crying on my bathroom floor, i imagine you come and save me. i imagine you walking through that door, catching the sight with my head in my hands. i imagine you sinking onto this level with me, sharing the burdens and healing each other's scars i miss you i wont call. you're slipping away i wont call. i want to disappear i wont call. i love you i wont call. of course if you need me, dont hesitate. you know ill be here im always here. you know, deep down im crying out to God. asking Him to let you stay because i know that if you completely go- ill never be the same im jealous. im jealous of everyone around you. her, him, them too. they all talk to you whenever they please, and me? things get messy im often left on read, i deserved it. while they can approach you, they can see you smile. the smile that i want to keep to myself of course; i am a risk and you, are not a gambler. -ally/allyocious

Even if I had every life in the world, I would never have enough experience to tell you how much I cared for you. I wish I was better, and if I could do it over, I wouldn't make the same mistakes. I miss you, and all the words in the world couldn't describe it. I'm sorry beyond words, and I hope you're doing better.

ugh

When I was little, I used to dream about this moment. I imagined the future unfolding before me like an endless landscape. But today I have reached hat age, and yet I feel… nothing. I have disappointed her. I failed that little girl in ways I never thought I would have to admit. I’m sorry, little Ralu. I did not become even half the woman you so confidently believed I would be. I still dream of her too: of you. Maybe in another lifetime I will truly touch the stars, travel across the moon and bend the horizons to my will. You trusted me, and I allowed that promise to break. You are not seen, because there is nothing left to be seen. I lost your spark, your hope, your passion, your love. Please come back and show me who I am again. Ralu, how am I supposed to tell you? Tell you that one day you will be completely alone, because you pushed away everyone who loved you? That you will live far from home, and still not find the courage to begin the life you always longed for? How do I tell you that, even after thirteen years, you still won’t know who you truly are? That the mirror will still show you the same eyes, the same lips, the same body, but never answers? I know you find escapism in the stars. I know you look at them as if you could hold them, as if fire were burning between your fingertips. But when I look up now, I no longer think of the future. I search for you. And I know that you are searching for me too, and that hurts me the most. I’m ashamed, I’m sorry.

Ryan, it's been 6 years, and i can't forget about you. There's not a single day that passed that I don't think of you. I wonder every single day why things didn't go through between us, is it because of our differences? or maybe because it really wasn't meant. When will I ever get you out of my system? Throughout those years, we became each other's source of comfort and joy, you were someone I could lean on, someone who knew me better than anyone, someone who sees through me. I can't help but wonder, would things be different if we both had the courage? or would it still end up the way we are now? I am full of regrets, I regret not telling you, I regret not taking the risk, I regret the way I treated you back then, I regret letting my fear take over me, I wish I could tell you how sorry I am for everything. In those years, I was happy, even the shortest time spent with you was special to me. Fast forward to now, we both moved on with our lives, still I wonder how you're doing. Now, I have a loving boyfriend whom I love so much, I heard you also have someone, I hope she's treating you well. My boyfriend knows about you, and I can say that he's been very mature when we talk about you. My boyfriend embraced even the ugliest parts of me, he wholeheartedly accepted who I am and who I was, he makes me feel really special, like I'm something he's proud of. I love him. To end this letter, I want to thank you for everything, for being my rock, for giving me joy, for leaving me with memories I'll forever cherish. Thank you to your family as well, for loving me, and for accepting me like I'm family too. To my babies Jaz, Jodi, and Raymond, they're like my little siblings too, I want to thank them for treating me as their ate, i will always love them like my own siblings. I wish to see you guys again, to catch up, and maybe to finally say the things we weren't able to say. I love you guys. I loved you, Ryan.

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I hate you so much. You are one of the most evil and miserable people I've ever met. I was young and full of light, and you chose me, then abandoned me. How could you? When I found out that you've done this to other people, I wasn't surprised. I did everything right, you just refused to see me, broke something in me, and I haven't been the same since. You avoid me and pretend everything is fine, like you didn't betray me and never liked me, no matter how many times I broke my back bending over to please you. You are sick, and I can see that now, something is deeply broken inside you, deeply insecure, a power-hungry monster. I have no idea how you look in the mirror. You aren't superior just because you say so. I wish you could see how I cried, how much it killed me to be perfect for you, just for you to take advantage and kick me to the curb because I didn't blindly follow you. I hope for everyone around you that you admit how much pain you've caused. I dont think that you're capable of self-reflection, so I hope that someone who has power over you shows you just how it feels to be used and not appreciated. How could you? I hope you hear my name and feel so much shame.

i care abt u and miss u

hi

guess theyre right when they say u don't it till it's gone. i made that mistake with you, didn't know i loved you, i needed you till you were gone it's been almost 2 years now, we havent come across each other but after today and i can so clearly see we're both still yearning, if only i'd recognised the signs back then forgive me, i still love you no matter what even if it was just a friendship we lost, it's never just anything, always means more i miss you and i love you, not in the joking way as before. for real this time.

i fucking hate you

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i regret it all

thank you

i miss you

you were right about everything and im sorry i didnt listen

hey

i still think about that summer. the way the light hit your face in the morning. how we'd stay up too late talking about nothing. i dont think ill ever stop missing those days.

fuck you for making me believe we had a chance

thank you for teaching me what i deserve. i know now.

i saw you today at the coffee shop. you didnt see me. you looked happy. im glad.

sorry

i wish i could go back and tell you how scared i was. maybe you would have understood why i left.

youre still the first person i want to tell when something good happens

i hope youre doing okay wherever you are

remember when we said we'd always be friends? yeah.

i forgive you. i dont think you know how much that hurt but i forgive you anyway

hello

its been three years and i still cant listen to that song without thinking of you

you deserved better than what i gave you. im sorry i was too broken to see that.

i hope you find someone who loves you the way you deserve

why did you leave without saying goodbye

i keep your hoodie in my closet. i dont wear it anymore but i cant throw it away.

you taught me how to love myself. thank you for that even if we couldnt work out.

im proud of you

i lied when i said i was over it

sometimes i drive past your old apartment just to feel close to you again. i know its pathetic.

you were my best friend before anything else and i miss that most

i should have fought harder for us

maybe in another life we get it right

i hate that i still care

thanks for the memories even if they hurt now

hi

i wish i could tell you that im happy now but i dont think you'd care anyway

your mom asked about me yesterday. i didnt know what to say.

i loved you

every song is about you. every movie. every sunset. when does it stop?

you were right and im sorry

i hope youre happy. i really do.

im finally ready to let go

i wish things were different

you broke my heart but you also helped me find myself. so thank you i guess

im sorry for everything

i still love you

test

i wonder if you ever think about me

you showed me what love should feel like. im grateful for that even though it ended.

i hate how much i still want you

goodbye