letters in the void

To future me, Don't worry, I trust you and I love you, I'll make you super proud. I will never leave you because after all, I am you, you are me, we together, in this world and the next, for all the blessings and trying moments. Just incase you forget, you are strong, kind ,smart, capable, resilient and enough no matter what. May Allah bless with with you could even fathom happening. I wish happiness and all dreams coming true, especially the ones you cant fathom happening and are too afraid to ask for. Don't ruminate on the past, you are where you are meant to be and I'm so proud of you, my heart so full and my eyes glazed with the happiest of tears. This isn't farewell because ill be with you anyway, x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0 yyr.

it’s been over a year and i still care about you, i wish we could be on good terms

i really want to catch up. but even with you being back for break, i’m not sure you’d want the same

i wanted to find a letter about me, just like how i write about you. -ally/allyocious

Dear Jacob C, hey, its Ally B. im writing this in hopes that maybe one day you'll see it, even though i know you probably wont. i hope you do, though. i still look back at your note on the Unsent Project whenever things get rough, it makes me smile. things have been bumpy lately, i know. sometimes i wonder if you even like me that way anymore, i dont feel like im enough. i just wish you were here, i wish you could hold me, wipe the tears of my face. but that would be selfish so i wont ask. maybe things would be better if you had never met me every time i write about you my heart aches, like im staring at something that needs to be fixed, yet its untouchable. i keep imagining you, wherever you are. in the places i thought i would get to know in the places i know that i wont i think about you at home i think about you laughing, about you crying i think about you when you're alone, i wonder if you're okay. i wonder if you're getting the care you deserve if they're listening to you if they're hearing the side of you only i heard. its not fair. sometimes when im alone, crying on my bathroom floor, i imagine you come and save me. i imagine you walking through that door, catching the sight with my head in my hands. i imagine you sinking onto this level with me, sharing the burdens and healing each other's scars i miss you i wont call. you're slipping away i wont call. i want to disappear i wont call. i love you i wont call. of course if you need me, dont hesitate. you know ill be here im always here. you know, deep down im crying out to God. asking Him to let you stay because i know that if you completely go- ill never be the same im jealous. im jealous of everyone around you. her, him, them too. they all talk to you whenever they please, and me? things get messy im often left on read, i deserved it. while they can approach you, they can see you smile. the smile that i want to keep to myself of course; i am a risk and you, are not a gambler. -ally/allyocious

Even if I had every life in the world, I would never have enough experience to tell you how much I cared for you. I wish I was better, and if I could do it over, I wouldn't make the same mistakes. I miss you, and all the words in the world couldn't describe it. I'm sorry beyond words, and I hope you're doing better.

ugh

When I was little, I used to dream about this moment. I imagined the future unfolding before me like an endless landscape. But today I have reached hat age, and yet I feel… nothing. I have disappointed her. I failed that little girl in ways I never thought I would have to admit. I’m sorry, little Ralu. I did not become even half the woman you so confidently believed I would be. I still dream of her too: of you. Maybe in another lifetime I will truly touch the stars, travel across the moon and bend the horizons to my will. You trusted me, and I allowed that promise to break. You are not seen, because there is nothing left to be seen. I lost your spark, your hope, your passion, your love. Please come back and show me who I am again. Ralu, how am I supposed to tell you? Tell you that one day you will be completely alone, because you pushed away everyone who loved you? That you will live far from home, and still not find the courage to begin the life you always longed for? How do I tell you that, even after thirteen years, you still won’t know who you truly are? That the mirror will still show you the same eyes, the same lips, the same body, but never answers? I know you find escapism in the stars. I know you look at them as if you could hold them, as if fire were burning between your fingertips. But when I look up now, I no longer think of the future. I search for you. And I know that you are searching for me too, and that hurts me the most. I’m ashamed, I’m sorry.

Ryan, it's been 6 years, and i can't forget about you. There's not a single day that passed that I don't think of you. I wonder every single day why things didn't go through between us, is it because of our differences? or maybe because it really wasn't meant. When will I ever get you out of my system? Throughout those years, we became each other's source of comfort and joy, you were someone I could lean on, someone who knew me better than anyone, someone who sees through me. I can't help but wonder, would things be different if we both had the courage? or would it still end up the way we are now? I am full of regrets, I regret not telling you, I regret not taking the risk, I regret the way I treated you back then, I regret letting my fear take over me, I wish I could tell you how sorry I am for everything. In those years, I was happy, even the shortest time spent with you was special to me. Fast forward to now, we both moved on with our lives, still I wonder how you're doing. Now, I have a loving boyfriend whom I love so much, I heard you also have someone, I hope she's treating you well. My boyfriend knows about you, and I can say that he's been very mature when we talk about you. My boyfriend embraced even the ugliest parts of me, he wholeheartedly accepted who I am and who I was, he makes me feel really special, like I'm something he's proud of. I love him. To end this letter, I want to thank you for everything, for being my rock, for giving me joy, for leaving me with memories I'll forever cherish. Thank you to your family as well, for loving me, and for accepting me like I'm family too. To my babies Jaz, Jodi, and Raymond, they're like my little siblings too, I want to thank them for treating me as their ate, i will always love them like my own siblings. I wish to see you guys again, to catch up, and maybe to finally say the things we weren't able to say. I love you guys. I loved you, Ryan.

dsfjlksldfksdf

I hate you so much. You are one of the most evil and miserable people I've ever met. I was young and full of light, and you chose me, then abandoned me. How could you? When I found out that you've done this to other people, I wasn't surprised. I did everything right, you just refused to see me, broke something in me, and I haven't been the same since. You avoid me and pretend everything is fine, like you didn't betray me and never liked me, no matter how many times I broke my back bending over to please you. You are sick, and I can see that now, something is deeply broken inside you, deeply insecure, a power-hungry monster. I have no idea how you look in the mirror. You aren't superior just because you say so. I wish you could see how I cried, how much it killed me to be perfect for you, just for you to take advantage and kick me to the curb because I didn't blindly follow you. I hope for everyone around you that you admit how much pain you've caused. I dont think that you're capable of self-reflection, so I hope that someone who has power over you shows you just how it feels to be used and not appreciated. How could you? I hope you hear my name and feel so much shame.

i care abt u and miss u

hi

guess theyre right when they say u don't it till it's gone. i made that mistake with you, didn't know i loved you, i needed you till you were gone it's been almost 2 years now, we havent come across each other but after today and i can so clearly see we're both still yearning, if only i'd recognised the signs back then forgive me, i still love you no matter what even if it was just a friendship we lost, it's never just anything, always means more i miss you and i love you, not in the joking way as before. for real this time.

i fucking hate you

woofff

i regret it all

thank you

i miss you

you were right about everything and im sorry i didnt listen

hey

i still think about that summer. the way the light hit your face in the morning. how we'd stay up too late talking about nothing. i dont think ill ever stop missing those days.

fuck you for making me believe we had a chance

thank you for teaching me what i deserve. i know now.

i saw you today at the coffee shop. you didnt see me. you looked happy. im glad.

sorry

i wish i could go back and tell you how scared i was. maybe you would have understood why i left.

youre still the first person i want to tell when something good happens

i hope youre doing okay wherever you are

remember when we said we'd always be friends? yeah.

i forgive you. i dont think you know how much that hurt but i forgive you anyway

hello

its been three years and i still cant listen to that song without thinking of you

you deserved better than what i gave you. im sorry i was too broken to see that.

i hope you find someone who loves you the way you deserve

why did you leave without saying goodbye

i keep your hoodie in my closet. i dont wear it anymore but i cant throw it away.

you taught me how to love myself. thank you for that even if we couldnt work out.

im proud of you

i lied when i said i was over it

sometimes i drive past your old apartment just to feel close to you again. i know its pathetic.

you were my best friend before anything else and i miss that most

i should have fought harder for us

maybe in another life we get it right

i hate that i still care

thanks for the memories even if they hurt now

hi

i wish i could tell you that im happy now but i dont think you'd care anyway

your mom asked about me yesterday. i didnt know what to say.

i loved you

every song is about you. every movie. every sunset. when does it stop?

you were right and im sorry

i hope youre happy. i really do.

im finally ready to let go

i wish things were different

you broke my heart but you also helped me find myself. so thank you i guess

im sorry for everything

i still love you

test

i wonder if you ever think about me

you showed me what love should feel like. im grateful for that even though it ended.

i hate how much i still want you

goodbye