pearl girl,
this site started as something for me — a place to say everything i couldn’t out loud. but if i’m being honest, it was always meant for you. not because i expected anything back, but because some things were left unsaid.
this isn’t a trail for you to follow. it’s just a place i left a piece of me. i’ve written dozens of letters to you — simply for myself — and the one you saw definitely wasn’t the last. funny enough, it was actually one of the older ones.
i will always love you — no matter what. not out of habit or hope. i say it because, no matter how far i’ve come, no one has replaced the way you’ve made me feel. and deep down, i still believe it will stay that way for the rest of my time on this planet. i wouldn’t have wanted my first love to be anybody else. you live in a part of my soul. i’ll never get that piece back, and honestly, i don’t want to. it’s yours for life.
when we met each other, we were both young and messy — not really knowing what love was, but exploring it together. we both made mistakes, but the ones i made still haunt me sometimes (iceskating, prom, sep. 24', and everything in between). i neglected you in a lot of ways — even in ways you never mentioned. i see it all now. i got complacent. i got too comfortable. and most of all, i didn’t show you nearly enough gratitude. sure, i told you that i loved you constantly — but my actions didn’t always match that.
i’ve changed a lot since we last spoke — not just emotionally, but in how i live. i left boulder, started doing school online, and picked up a ramp agent position at united, and even started finding my faith — albeit slowly. i’ve been working on becoming the man i used to only talk about being. i’m not saying any of this to try and win you back — it’s just a testament to how much of an impact you’ve had on my life, and how all of it has been for the better. we shared our souls without knowing how fragile they were; and even now, you’re still the best thing that has ever happened to me in my nearly twenty years on this earth.
i really hope your relationship is going well, and that you’ve found the love you’ve always deserved. i still tell daniel to this day — all i’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy. with that being said, this is the last thing i’ll ever write to you. not because the feelings are gone, but because i’ve finally said everything i needed to say. i will always love you. be safe. keep doing you.
pearl boy
p.s. i still wear the heartbreak prince bracelet.
if you ever need me, i’m here for you; you know where to find me.
for every universe we didn’t work out, there’s infinite universes where we did.